Being dumped by his girlfriend because he did what his mother told him to do
Dave happened to see his best friend drinking beer alone in the corner of the bar. Curious, he asked:
– What is it that makes you so sad, Thomas?
When Thomas heard the question, he looked up at Dave sadly and said:
– Do you remember the girl I dated online for half a year? Yesterday she asked to break up with me!
– What’s wrong? – Dave was surprised – Didn’t you two plan to meet for the first time yesterday?
Thomas sighed.
– I don’t know either. Obviously I did as my mother told me to do, but I didn’t expect her to react like that!
Dave feels confused:
– What did your mother tell you?
Thomas replied:
– My mother told me on the first date that it’s best to buy home-cooked food for a romantic evening to surprise her.
– That’s a great idea! – Dave finds it difficult to understand.
Thomas sighed.
– I see that too. Yesterday, I purposely went to the supermarket to buy a lot of cooking ingredients very early. However, at night, she definitely refuses to cook and still insists on leaving, which is strange!
-!!!
Skill
A girl going to school in Hanoi received a text message in the middle of the night: “Hello, can we meet you? Do you have a boyfriend?”. “I’ve got it, man!”. “That’s it, here’s your father, take the car home tomorrow to have a family meeting about this!”.
The next day, the girl decided not to return, at midnight there was a message: “What do I have to do to be your friend? Allow me to get acquainted! Do you have a lover?”. “I have not … yet!”. “You disappoint me so much, a simple test is to know each other right away, let’s break up!” “Oh I’m sorry, I thought my old man, give me an explanation.” “Explain what? Old man here, if you don’t come home tomorrow, don’t come back! Call that guy back to me!”.
Happy flowers
At the flower shop, a middle-aged man chooses 3 roses and tells the saleswoman:
– These flowers are for my wife on her wedding anniversary. Please attach here a beautiful silk ribbon with the words: “Each of these flowers marks a year you enjoy marital happiness”.
The saleswoman expressed emotion:
– You’ve only been married for 3 years?
– No, 30 years.
Dialogue before the wedding
Her: Hi!!
Guy: Oh, good luck, finally…
Her: Do you want me to go?…
Guy: No, no, how are you? I can’t imagine how horrible that was….
Her: Do you love me?
Guy: Of course there is!! Both day and night.
Her: Have you ever lied to me?
Guy: Never. Why do we ask?
Her: Will you kiss me?
Guy: Of course, on every occasion you can.
Her: So did you hit me?
Guy: No, are you okay? I always know what kind of person you are…
Her: Can you trust me?
Guy: Yeah!
Her: Oh my love!!
Dialogue after the wedding (read from bottom to top)
Flirting failed to please his girlfriend
Seeing his roommate looking somber, Ty asked:
– How are you, Teo? Disappointed?
Cat sighed and replied:
Why are girls so hard to understand? Obviously, I tried my best to comply with her wishes, but I got angry.
– How’s the story, tell me the beginning and the end!
– You know I’ve been flirting with you for a long time! Yesterday, she suddenly cried out in sadness, then wanted to go somewhere to cry loudly and comfortably. Tell me where to not take her. – Cat told.
Ty nodded.
– Good chance to win hearts! So where did you take her?
Cat sighed and replied:
– After hearing that, I took her to the funeral. I don’t understand why I block Facebook and my phone. It’s obvious that they want to go somewhere to cry out loud, I don’t know what else to ask for!
-!!!
Talk about love
Fall in love with the wrong girl
In the evening, To sad, hugged a gift box back to the dormitory. Curious roommate asked:
– What’s wrong, you look so miserable!
Suffering said:
– I got kicked by you! I just gave her a birthday present when she turned around.
– That sucks! – your exclamation – What did you give her to make her so angry/
Frustrated To says:
– You know me too, and I used to only like to use things that suit my destiny. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday the other day. She said whatever suits the fire fate is fine. Today is my birthday, I bought a mini gas stove for me, I don’t know why I want to break up. The gift is so suitable for fire, but what else do you want.
-!!!
Why is that?
Adam and Eve lived together very happily. One day when he met God, Adam asked:
– My God, Eve is so beautiful. Why did He make her so beautiful?
– I want to see her all the time.
– Her skin is so smooth!
– Let me always want to touch her!
– She has a very pleasant scent.
– Let me always want to cuddle with her!
– It’s wonderful, your creation is so great that I am extremely grateful. But the one thing I keep wondering is why did God make her so stupid?
– Then she will love you!
Fidelity
– Whatever you want I’ll do, but never about shaving.
At home, he said to his wife:
– I grow a beard to prove to you my loyalty.
One day, Jim’s girlfriend suspected that Jim was a married man. She said:
– I won’t love you anymore if you don’t shave.
Despite Jim’s pleas, the girl still disagreed, finally Jim had to give in and shave off his beard. Then that night, when Jim returned home, he regretted having cheated on his faithful wife and was afraid to confess the truth. Jim slowly climbed into bed and lay next to his wife. The wife immediately turned to hug his face and whispered: Honey, not today, my bearded husband will come home anytime!!!
Honestly declare
– Her: Do you ever smoke?
– Guy: Never.
– She: So do you drink alcohol?
– Guy: I’ve never drank a drop of wine in my life
.- Her: What about gambling? Sure he has to play you?
– Guy: Never, you know
.- Her: So besides me, do you still pay attention to her?
Guy: You have to believe me. He only me alone!
– She: But you must have a bad habit, right?
– Guy: Well, it’s true that sometimes I do lie.
Sensitive groom
The groom, looking at the wedding room, said to his friend:
– Why is the word Hy so troublesome, it looks like a bagua map.
– How’s the trouble? – surprised friend.
– Well… there are many horizontal and vertical lanes, but they are all dead ends!
The friend smiled wryly.
– You’re sensitive! After the honeymoon you will find that comment is absolutely right.
Men shouldn’t date when it’s raining
Two boys chatted with each other, one asked:
– HEY! What are you most afraid of when going out with your boyfriend?
– I’m really scared if I’m on the road with you and it rains!
The other asked in surprise:
– Fear is really scary, but where is it that ‘extreme fear’?
– Yeah, but if you stop in the rain and hit a restaurant or a fashion shop, look!
– This case is very scary.
Grandma’s matchmaking technique
Meo and grandma were walking in the park when a pretty girl passed by. Seeing that Teo kept staring blankly at the girl, Mrs. Teo laughed and said:
– Do you like it?
The redhead nodded. She said:
– Wait here for a moment!
As soon as she finished her sentence, she walked towards the girl, a few minutes later Teo’s phone rang, the other end of the line was a gentle voice of a girl:
– May I ask if you are Teo? My grandmother is lost, she is standing with me in X park right now, please come and pick her up right away!
Love from a mathematical perspective
At the bus stop, a couple flirts with each other in a cheesy way. Boys:
– Honey, I love you!
Shy girl:
– I love you too, but my love is twice as much as yours.
Delighted boy:
– So what? So I love you three times as much as I love you!
A young man with glasses sitting next to him pouted:
– Let the love of men and women be x, y respectively. We have the equation: y = 2x; x = 3y. So: x = y = 0. That means there is no love here!
-!!!
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Old love
Two lonely grandparents living in a nursing home for a long time decided to go to dinner and watch movies together. When returning, seeing that you seemed sad, the old lady roommate asked:
– What makes you so sad?
– Having to go out with a stupid old man, I had to slap him 3 times!
– That’s terrible! At that age, he should have been ashamed of groping her!
– He was not molested. I had to slap 3 times to see if he was asleep or dead.
Prove
– If you are a boat, what are you?
– I will be the river for your boat to swim in.
The girl asked again:
– What if I was a mountain range?
– I will be the green tree covering the four seasons.
The girl asked again:
– What if I was that bridge?
– You will be a stream of fresh water flowing through.
Seeing the monk come out, the girl asked:
– What if I go to monk?
– I will be your uncle in the morning and evening.
Seeing a boy leading a cow, the girl asked:
– Are you that cowboy?
– Well… I’ll be the other cow for you to lead.
One of the companions chimed in:
– But brother, that cow is a castrated cow, not a bull!
Prove
A couple invited each other to visit Huong Pagoda. Sitting on the boat the girl asked:
– If you are a boat, what are you?
I will be the river for your boat to swim in.
The girl asked again:
– What if I was a mountain range?
– I will be the green tree covering the four seasons.
The girl asked again:
– What if I was that bridge?
– You will be a stream of fresh water flowing through.
Seeing the monk come out, the girl asked:
– What if I go to monk?
– I will be your uncle in the morning and evening.
Seeing a boy leading a cow, the girl asked:
– Are you that cowboy?
– Well… I’ll be the other cow for you to lead.
One of the companions chimed in:
– But brother, that cow is a castrated cow, not a bull!
Disaster is chance
The old man approached the young man angrily and asked:
– My daughter said you made her pregnant! What are you going to do now?
– Uncle, I have a wife and two children and do not want a divorce, but I am ready to make material compensation. When the baby is born, I will issue him a check for 1,5 million francs, then buy your daughter a fully furnished house in her name and give her a monthly number 30.000 francs, according to a written undertaking. Did you see it like that?
Yes, but I want to ask one more question.
– Please just ask.
– If my daughter has a miscarriage, can you give her a second chance?
Longer
The two boys went to the girl’s house to play, but she was away. Both sit and wait, each wants to let the opponent go first. One brother asked:
– What time is it?
– Nine thirty. You must be busy?
– Are not. I’m just afraid of him of late.
Hearing this, he immediately took out a thick novel from his bag and read it leisurely. The other man said calmly:
– After you read it, let me borrow it to read it!
Dating a dentist
Rat falls in love with a young, handsome dentist. So she often used the excuse to get a tooth pulled to sneak up to him. One day, the dentist sadly said:
“I think we should stop, your husband might already be suspicious.
Surprised:
– There is no such thing, we have been dating for a year and my husband has not said anything.
The dentist shook his head slightly.
– But I only have one tooth, next time you know what reason to come see me again?
– !!!
