– You two are wrong, why do you go so far? From here to there it is only about three or four hundred miles, if you go fast, it will take three days, if you go slow, it will take four days to arrive. Going back and forth about seven days.
The two men retorted:
– How can you say so for sure?
The man replied nonchalantly:
– As usual, on the 23rd of December, the Tao will be brought back to heaven, and on the 30th of the Lunar New Year, he will be invited to come down. Think about it, isn’t it like that?
At this time, when Xien Bo was still a child, when he saw the fake majesty of the mandarin, he hated it. Xien brought a puppy to the market, but didn’t sell it, kept holding it in front of the belly, sometimes jostling in front of the mandarin, sometimes backing up behind the mandarin. Seeing Xien carrying a dog, everyone thought that Xien had just bought it, so he asked:
– How many dogs?
The mandarin knew that the boy was holding a dog and cursing him, so the soldiers arrested him and asked:
– Who made you talk like that?
– Secretly, our family wants to raise a puppy to clean up the shit for me, so my parents told me to go buy it.
– Whose child are you?
– I am the great-grandson of Trang Quynh!
Quan heard that Xien is the great-grandson of Trang Quynh, but he did not believe it.
– It was a great-grandfather of the right state or word. So do you go to school?
– Secretly, I am the best student in this area, the big man doesn’t go to school so I don’t know it.
Seeing that Xien was still trying to pierce himself, the mandarin got angry:
– You are rude! But if you accept that you are a good student, you must answer this question. Or forgive sins. Don’t beat me up.
Quan read: “The whip hit the student’s mother’s ass.”
– May I ask: Is “whip” for “parallel” okay?
– Yes. Xien asked again:
– Is “ass” for “head”, “mother” for “father” okay?
I’m going to ask again. Overview:
– No more questions. Go away!
Xien immediately replied: “The cotton bowl covers the big mandarin’s head!”
Unexpectedly, Xien dared to curse him again, to cure his shame, the mandarin used the voice of his superior to scold Xien in a loose way, then shouted at the guards to prepare to leave.
Ask for the way to heaven
A teacher sat and taught at a certain grandmother’s house. She had only one son and one daughter, and at night, she had to let the teacher and son sleep upstairs, while she and the girl slept in the kitchen. The teacher wanted to dig for stamps, one day, when the whole family was asleep, the master went to the kitchen. Real estate, the landlady woke up and asked:
– Who’s that?
– Who I am?
– The teacher is here!
– What did you do in the kitchen that night?
– I… went down to get a few baskets to store books.
A few days later, he groped again and climbed onto the kitchen roof. While unloading the painting to put it down, suddenly heard the landlady’s voice ask:
– Who’s up there?
– I’m here!
– Who am I? – The teacher is here!
– What are you doing climbing up there?
– I’m asking this, isn’t it… Is this the way to heaven?…
Why haven’t you invited me to eat?
The healer believed him and gave him medicine. After a few days of taking the medicine, he recovered from his illness and was able to defecate normally, but because of his lack of balance, he wanted to swallow his words about the meal, so when the healer asked, he said that he had not recovered.
The healer also guessed that he was lying, was very angry, so he decided to stalk and catch him. Once he saw him go to the field to defecate, the healer immediately followed. When this man had just finished walking, he was pulling up his pants, when immediately the healer ran out from the bushes, held his hand in one hand, and pointed at the pile of dung, shouting:
– You’re such a greedy and deceitful man. Having come this far, why haven’t you invited me to eat yet?
Have a day to go to the morgue
A man ate an anniversaries at his girlfriend’s house, because he was in a hurry to eat, so he got a bone.
It was embarrassing to spit, so he pretended to be drunk and shouted trying to find words that sound similar to the word “Spit” to get rid of the rebellious bone.
He raised his voice:
– My son and the youngest son, Mr. Sui, this is really a good match, suitable for our age… evil… stupid…
Still unharmed, he continued:
– Dear relatives and uncles…evil…stupid. I used to be in the forest and used to climb mountains over the mountains… evil… stupid. I’m not an evil… fool…
When the women saw this, they hugged their stomachs and laughed, he was angry and shouted:
– You ungrateful woman, why are you laughing… evil… stupid…
Without this group, I would go to another…other…fool…
Mr. Sui Gia knew the story, pointed at Mr. Sui with bones and said as if ordering:
– Quickly go to the hospital to pick up the bones, evil…
That rich girl was very beautiful, in the village, no one could get her in many marriages. That’s because the old man gave a very easy, but also very difficult condition: whoever is the laziest will get married!
The guys are too lazy to compete in talent, and in the end, no one is better than the other, so he has not been able to satisfy the husband-in-law. The old man lamented, lamented, giving his daughter high numbers.
One day, he was sitting on a mahogany tree and saw a young man coming from nowhere, walking backwards from the entrance. When asked, he said he would like to try his hand. Seeing such a strange manner, the old man laughed and asked:
– Look back here! What’s so strange about standing?
The guy still didn’t look back, said:
“If you’re not willing to let me marry your daughter, I’ll just leave like this, without bothering to turn around.”
Only then did he realize: this guy really couldn’t be more lazy. Ben gave his daughter in marriage.
If you have one child, you have
When he got home, he saw his wife waiting at the gate. The idiot sat on the back of a cow and said:
– Die alone! I lost a cow!
– Buy how many to lose one?
I stupidly pointed to the herd of five cows following:
– Six children, now only five.
The wife smiled and said:
– If you have one child, yes!
Stealing a cow
A man just bought a cow. When he went to bed at night, he carefully locked the cowshed and then put the cot right at the entrance to sleep. Yet at night, the thief still took his cow.
Heartbroken, he submitted:
“Sir, they must have led the cows through the cot to come out.
Quan heard that it was too absurd to laugh:
– A cow is not a dog, a cat can’t get under the cot!
– Yes, sir, how do they lead my cows through? Waking up in the morning the cot is still left in the same place blocking the entrance there!
– Stupid! You slept soundly, they carried your cot to lie on one side, led the cow out and then carried it back to the old place…
The other person bluntly said:
– Well, so the official colluded with the thieves, so that’s why it’s so obvious!
Taking up all the space…
– Step now! Looks like a newbie from hell!
The beggar heard this and quickly replied:
– Yes, I’m in hell up here!
Rich man says:
– Having gone to hell, why don’t you stay down there and come up here to dirty your eyes?
– I can’t stay so I have to go up. Down there, the rich take up all the seats
A couple of opposing sentences
All the students were dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do. Then the student scratched his head and scratched his ear:
– Teacher, does the word “god” I ask for the word “holy” match?
– Very good!
Again he asked:
– The word “shallow”, you versus “deep”, do you have a fight?
– Very good!
Again he asked:
– Does the word “spear” for “sword”, “people” for “king” have a fight?
The teacher nodded.
– Very well, very well!
He mutters: “Turmeric” for “ginger”, “five” for “tam”, “cup” for “stork”.
Finally, he reads:
– Now I apologize! “God of agriculture and folk art of cereals” I would like to say: “Holy worm sword king ginger tam stork”.